I sat down to write this and couldn’t.
I’m propped up on the couch, pressure building under the interrogation-like beam of the floor lamp beside me. It’s stainless steel and looks like maybe it could be the parent of that little animated one from the Pixar logo. Ava’s snoozing on her bed on the other side of the room.
After coming back from our walk, she surrounded herself with two of her favorite toys and hunkered down. I don’t blame her one bit. It’s snowing again; and there’s actually enough of the damn stuff to stick. I, for one, am ready for sunshine and weather that’s just a tad warmer. But here I am, also wondering what happened to the snowboarder I once was... Who’s to say. All I know is that I’ve really been enjoying running and I don’t want anything to get in the way of keeping my momentum going. Today was a rest day, but I’d love it if I didn’t have to wear leggings or gloves when I run tomorrow.
The Pixar lamp’s reminding me to focus.
Sorry about that.
Where was I?
Oh, right.
It feels like my laptop is urging me to write, but the words won’t come. Well, ok, that’s not true... the shape of the words is what won’t show itself just yet—a family facetime from the weekend where we all talked over one another, a podcast I listened to about the parts of the self-help industry that are proven to be bullshit, a birthday fast-approaching and realizing that I’m still not comfortable celebrating myself.
So I’m trying to pick just one.
One thread to pull that’ll help me set myself in a scene that I can write my way out of... but I can’t seem to find the loose end today. Untangling the rest feels pretty out-of-reach.
Blargh.
I’m sitting here, with my hands resting on my laptop and I’m frustrated.
Strangely, Anne Lamott’s voice is the one that comes to mind. She’s talking about the school lunch writing exercise from her book Bird by Bird, and I think, maybe, I see a loose end poking out from my jumble of thoughts. I even think I see my floor lamp doing a little Pixar wiggle, which means it’s getting ready to jump. And, if it’s getting ready to jump, we must be getting to the part where it fades to black before things get going.
So I start by setting the scene: a couch, a lamp, a dog, and some toys.
Our Daily MAP Year Prompt
219/365
Where do you start when you can’t find the loose end?
onward.
If you enjoy reading my writing, I publish short reflections like this each day as part of my daily column, Kickturn.
Sign up to get it here.