Three Types Of Relationships Between Readers And Writers Online

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Derek MacDonald

Aug 03, 2026

What is it about me that keeps people at a distance?

I’m genuinely asking.

Looking around the internet, I see a few kinds of people who all seem to be:

pushing themselves to share more openly.
giving personal-growth advice.
teaching businessy advice.
farming relatability.

They get a lot of engagement. Like, a lot a lot. And from what I can tell, there’s only really three different approaches used between them.

“Be a teacher” — The approach where the writer says stuff like “if you want ___, you have to ___.”
“I’m one of you” — The approach where the writer sort of acts like the class clown and throws some shade at the teacher so the reader can feel like they’re in on the joke.
“The quiet kid” — The approach where the writer’s just doing the work and sharing it.

Regardless of the approach I use, it feels like people seem to stay away from me.

Why is that?

That’s the part I can’t figure out.

This used to really bother me. It still does to some extent, but not like it used to. Now, I’m just genuinely curious. When I first started my newsletter, while still trying to find my voice again, I wrote more as “the teacher.” From an engagement perspective, it seemed to work ok. I was getting views, people were “liking” my posts, and subscribers rolled in regularly, albeit slowly. Over time, I shifted somewhat intentionally toward the “I’m one of you” approach. I really don’t like people who spout off unwavering advice and I didn’t want to be part of that group. My views dropped and my new subscriber rate decreased, but the amount of “likes” I’d get stayed steady. It even went up in some cases.

With time, it felt like I was trying less and less to be heard and, instead, was just focused on being... well, me. People seemed to like it. Even better, I liked it. A lot, actually. I think that’s how I eventually wound up in “the quiet kid” lane. I went from writing specifically for the people who might read it to casually inviting folks to come see what I see and then choose what they think for themselves.

My engagement plummeted.

But my open-rates didn’t.

Weird, right?

I started getting less views overall, and fewer “likes,” but existing subscribers still actively read my work. I basically stopped getting new subscribers, though. Yet, my existing readers kept showing up (yes, that’s you!). They even started sharing stuff more, just not publicly; they forward things via email or copy a link to send.

So... what the fuck does all this mean?

Well, I’ll level with ya—I’m sort of at a loss with what to make of this. I’ve got plenty of questions, a few guesses, and a willingness to be wrong on all counts. Is it that people, by and large, don’t care about the kind of stuff I write about? Is it that they like the topics but not “the quiet kid” approach? For those who don’t like it, is it because it asks them to do too much of the thinking part themselves? What if the same stuff I write about were formatted in the “one of you” style? Would that make a difference? Or, is it that for as long as the written word’s been around, readers really just want to be handed the answers from the author as “the teacher?”

I truly don’t know.

Maybe it’s some combination of all the above.

Or, maybe it’s that the distribution engine’s changed, yet again, and discoverability on Substack skews towards those who share regularly in the Notes feed... something I stopped doing a while back because it felt like it was turning into every other social media platform I didn’t like and opted to leave.

So, my best guess at the moment is that, either way, this online writing thing is a game of social capital.

And, perhaps it’s that I simply don’t have it.